Jeff Dunham – Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Back to my roots…..

Description: Use your Slayer skills to battle out of control vegetation with an attitude, cultivate your wits and stretch your Agility to solve a cunning maze – all to make a gardener’s day. Do you have what it takes to cut this quest down to size?

Difficulty: Master

Length: Medium

Requirements:
Levels:
Level 55 Agility
Level 53 Farming
Level 59 Slayer
Level 72 Woodcutting
Quests:
A Fairy Tale Part I – Growing Pains
Hand in the Sand
One Small Favour
Tribal Totem

Items Needed: Pot Lid, Plant Pot (with soil), Secateurs, Spade, Pot, Machete, Woodcutting axe, and about 1k gold for travel costs. A Ring of Charos (u) for a free boat ride and Shilo Gloves 3 for a Shilo Village teleport are also recommended, but not required.

Quest Points Reward: 1

Reward: 24k Farming XP, 40k Woodcutting XP, 23k Slayer XP, 15k Agility XP, a new vine farming patch, and a Jade vine seed.

Start Point: Handelmort Mansion, East Ardougne

To Start: Speak to Horacio

1. Speak to Horacio outside Lord Handelmort’s mansion, located a little north from the bank in East Ardougne. Ask who he is and then offer to help him. He will ask you to get a Jade vine, which only grows east of Shilo Village, and tell you to talk to Wizard Cromperty first.
2. Head to the most northeastern building of Ardougne and talk to Wizard Cromperty. He will ask you to go to the RPDT depot.
3. Proceed to RPDT the depot just south of Ardougne’s east bank, and talk to one of the employees.
4. You will now have to open the smelly package on the nearby table. In it, you’ll find the severed hand of a a wizard.
5. Go back and speak to Wizard Cromperty. After a short cutscene, he will ask you to make him a pot lid. The pot lid must be made after the cutscene; if you made it beforehand, it will not work.
6. Talk to Wizard Cromperty once you have made the pot lid and he will tell you to go speak to Garth. He is the farmer near the fruit tree patch in Brimhaven.
7. Speak to Garth and he will tell you how to get a cutting of the Jade vine. Make sure you have a pot, the pot lid, a machete, a woodcutting axe, a plant pot with soil, antipoison, secateurs, a spade, and a quick teleport in case you get in trouble. Garth will also remind you to seal the cutting in a pot as soon as you get it.
8. Travel to Shilo Village and go outside. Head around to the northeastern side, and climb up the vines on the ground to enter the maze. Make sure you are ready for combat and have antipoison.
9. Start by heading east and climbing the vines. Next head south and climb down. Now head northwest and climb down another vine to get back onto the ground level.
10. Immediately to the south of you, you will see the vines forming some sort of gate, with smaller vines hanging from it. Cut through them and crawl through. Go through another one of these, then climb up the vine to the southwest.
11. Climb up twice and you will find a platform with a Karamjan jungle eagle (the transport kind). Head east across the platform and climb down, then swing on the vine.
12. Head north and climb down twice, then crawl through the two vines to the south. Do not go down the holes here.
13. Climb up twice and then cross the vine over the river. If you fall retrace your steps and try again.
14. Once across the river, climb down twice and crawl through the first vine, then climb up a vine. Do NOT crawl through the second vine or you will have to start over.
15. Once on the vine, head west and climb up, go west and then down, and then northwest and up. You will find yourself on the other vine that crosses the river; cross it.
16. Now go climb down two vines and you should find yourself next to some piles of loose soil.
17. Dig from a loose pile to expose the vine, then cut it. Now put it in your plant pot and wait to see if it grows. If it does, quickly use it with your pot to seal it. If you fail just keep trying until you grow one.
18. Return to the mansion in Ardougne and use the sealed pot with the patch. You will need a trowel to plant it (see the tool leprechaun nearby).
19. The vines will grow out of control and you will have to kill it. Make sure you have some antipoisons, a woodcutting axe, and some food, then tell Horatio you are ready to fight it. During the fight, use the protect from melee prayer, but keep in mind that the vine attacks with both melee and magic.
20. Once you defeat it, cut the vine and talk to Horatio to finish the quest.Congratulations! Quest Complete!

    After the quest, you can plant the vine seed in the patch nearby. If you do not prune it regularly, however, it will try to kill you. If it does try to kill you, you can train slayer by killing it, even if it is not your assignment. You can alternatively have Horacio look after your vine for 10 wildblood hops, although he doesn’t have a “Pay” option. Speak to him after the quest to learn more about the vine. Every 24 hours the vine will grow, and you will be given two options: To attack and kill it for 3k Slayer XP, or to trim it with secateurs to get 350 Farming XP. You can repeat this process daily.

    Additionally, the creatures inside the maze will drop the Torso, Foot, Left Arm, Right Arm, Left Leg, and Right Leg of Clarence, the murdered wizard from The Hand in the Sand. Once you have them all, take them to Zavista at the Wizard’s Guild and he will tell you to find proof of Sandy’s involvement. Have him teleport you to Sandy’s Shop on Karamja. Once there, search the table and pick up Sandy’s Diary. After you unlock it, read the contents and return to the Wizard’s Guild and talk to Zavista. He will then start the burial of Clarence, and you will see the cutscene of the ceremony. At the end you will get 10k Magic XP, 100 Law Runes, and 200 Blood Runes.

Dragon Slayer!

Description: Prove yourself a true hero. Kill the mighty dragon of Crandor Island and earn the right to buy and wear the powerful Rune plate mail body.

Difficulty: Experienced

Length: Long

Requirements: Be a member of the Champions guild (32 Quest Points); Be able to kill the lvl 83 Green dragon Elvarg.

Items Needed: 90 steel nails, three Planks (found in the Wilderness near the Hill Giants in level ? of the wilderness, outside the members-only Barbarian Outpost, or make them with the members-only Sawmill Operator for 100gp each plank (Northeast of Varrock), Hammer, 2000 gp (or an extra 10k for those that can’t telegrab), Telegrab Runes if you are telegrabbing the last map piece (1 law rune, 1 air rune), an Unfired bowl, a Lobster pot, Silk, a Wizard’s mind bomb (can only be bought in Falador Pub), teleport runes (optional), and items you think you need to kill Elvarg (the level 83 green dragon).

Quest Points Reward: 2

Reward: 18,650 Strength XP, 18,650 Defence XP, The right to wear Rune platebody and Green dragonleather body; also allows you to buy them from Oziach for 84,500 gp and 10,140 gp, respectively.

Start Point: Champion’s Guild

To Start: Speak to the Guildmaster

Instructions:

1. Talk to the Champion’s Guild Master. Ask him about Rune plate armour and he’ll tell you about Oziach. His house is northwest of the Edgeville Bank.

   

2. Talk to Oziach. Ask him about Rune plate, the Anti-dragon shield, and the map pieces. He should give you a key to Melzar’s Maze.

   

3. Go to the Oracle, located above the Dwarven Mines, with your Silk, Wizard’s mind bomb, Unfired bowl, and Lobster pot. She’ll tell you about a door in the mines. Go down there. The door is near the northeast part of the mine. When you go through the door, your Silk, Wizard’s mind bomb, Unfired bowl, and Lobster pot should disappear. Check the chest. You’ll get a Map piece.
4. Grab some food. Go to Melzar’s Maze (it’s south of the Crafting Guild). Use your Maze key on the door. Kill some giant rats until you get a Red key. Use it on the Northwest door. Go up the ladder. Here is a Map if you get stuck in the maze.
5. Kill ghosts until you get an Orange key. Use it on the door SECOND FROM THE NORTH. A lot of people mess up here.
6. Kill skeletons until you get a Yellow key. Use it on the MOST southwest door. Go down the ladders until you get to some zombies.
7. Kill zombies until you get a Blue key. Use it on the northwest door. Then kill Melzar the Mad until you get a Magenta key. Melzar the Mad uses fire strikes, weakening spells, and bare hand fighting. Lower levels are recommended to use armor that has a good magic defence. Go through the door.

   

8. Kill the Lesser Demon and he’ll drop the final key, which is Green. There are a few places to range/mage the Lesser Demon. Use the key on the door. Check the chest and get the second Map piece.

   

9. Drop by a bank and take out either A) A bow and arrows B) Some runes to mage Wormbrain to death or C) 10k. If you brought the 10k, you don’t need runes for telegrab. If you plan to kill Wormbrain, you’ll need to telegrab the Map piece.
10. A. Mages/Archers need to just attack Wormbrain in the Port Sarim jail. When he’s dead, use telekinetic grab on the map piece he drops. Use the map pieces on each other to form the complete map.

    B. Melee Pures/People unable to telegrab need to talk to Wormbrain. Ask him about the map piece. He’ll eventually tell you he’ll sell it to you for 10k. Talk to him again and pay him. He should give you the last Map piece. Use the Map pieces on each other to form the complete map.

11. Go to Lumbridge and talk to the Duke Horacio in Lumbridge Castle. Ask him about a shield to protect you from a dragon’s fire breath. He’ll give you the Anti-dragon shield. It’s advised that you drop this one, get another one, and pick up the first one. If you ever need more shields just follow the procedure again.
12. Pick up your 2000 coins, a Hammer, three Planks, 90 steel nails, and your completed Map from a bank. Head back to Port Sarim. Go to the dock east of the food store. Talk to the guy on the dock named Klarense. Keep talking until you can offer to buy the ship. He’ll tell you the price. Buy it. Now, go on board and go down a deck. Use a plank on the hole near you. Keep using planks until the hole is filled. Talk to your swabbie to go off the ship.
13. Now, go to Draynor. Talk to Ned and he’ll offer to take you to Crandor. Give him your Map and he’ll tell you to meet him at the ship. This is the big fight you’ve been waiting for. Pick up potions, food (tuna and up is recommended), armor and weapons (magic equipment, or crossbow/darts), teleport runes (optional), AND YOUR DRAGONFIRE SHIELD. Since a shield cannot be wielded while using a regular bow, this is NOT recommended (dragon fire frequently hits for 26 damage); a Crossbow and Bolts (or Members throwing weapon) that allows you to use a shield is one alternative for rangers; run into the ruins along the walls of her chamber, she will ignore you, and her fire can’t reach you. This is good for rangers and mages. I recommend full rune with rune chainmail with a rune scimitar.
14. Go to your ship (The Lady Lumbridge). Go down a deck and talk to Ned. Off to Crandor!
15. When you get to Crandor, your ship’ll be banged up. Walk off the ship and go up the hill. Follow the path until you reach some King Scorpions. Evade them and walk north until you get to another up point. Go up past here, and dodge the Lesser Demon. Go down the cave opening.

    

16. Dodge the Skeletons down here and walk further past the stronger Skeletons. Go through the door.

    CAUTION: I’d take your potions RIGHT NOW if you have any. If you forgot to bring your Dragonfire Shield, I’d suggest you go get it before even attempting to kill Elvarg.

17. This is it. Attack Elvarg (level 83). She hits quite hard for a level 83. When I fought her, she maxed out a 10 (with melee, she can hit to 65 with her breath if you aren’t wearing your shield). Eat when you need to, and make sure you don’t die.

    

    You can hide here to eat.

18. When you beat her, you’ll be transported outside her cage. Don’t freak out if a skeleton gets you, just walk towards the Lesser Demons (lvl-82) south and go through the “secret” wall. The command should be “Open”. Your character will “memorize” the location for future use.

    

19. Once you’ve done this you can either teleport to Lumbridge, or continue walking out of Karamja dungeon. Head east-southeast, and amid the skeletons you will see a dangling rope. Climb it to reach the outside world, where you will find yourself on top of Karamja’s volcano. To get off Karamja, try the following.
20. • Bring money before you leave Port Sarim to fight Elvarg.
    • Kill Skeletons or Lesser demons for the coins they drop.
    • Pack bananas.
    • Kill Imps for items and then sell those to General store (not recommended).
    • Pickpocket the man at the dock (members).
21. Congratulations, quest complete! Go buy your Rune Platebody, you Champion!

    

Woot!

this is kinda my first blog thingamagjijer so so far im not so good at at but dont worry ill get better so you wont have 2 be tortered that much.